[FW] Coke Bottle Bottom Glasses and the Dork Factor

Coke Bottle Bottom Glasses and the Dork Factor

“Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses” – Dorothy Parker

Long story short. Computer battery burning at work. Smoke absorbed by contacts. Irritated eyes. Glasses only for three days.
I have worn glasses since I was seven. At 50, my glasses are very, very thick. Even with the half-weight lenses. When I shop for new glasses, they try to sell me the designer frames and I ask to see the cheapest frames they have. No matter how cute they are, once you put in the “coke bottle bottom” lenses, they become dorky. Besides, I usually only wear them at home in the evening. Wearning them out during daylight is kind of traumatic for me.
The glasses have the magical ability to hurtle me back in time to my thirteenth year. My skin gets greasy. I swear I can hear the zits popping out on my chin as I continually push the glasses back up the slope of my shiny nose. My hair suffers the same fate as it absorbs the greases just like the cardboard box surrounding McDonald’s fries. The inside of my mouth aches from the endless poking of wire braces. My confidence dwindles to nothing and I find myself avoiding meeting anyone else’s eyes or speaking to strangers, just like when I was a teenager.
Maybe it was because when I was a kid, being a dork or an egghead was a bad thing. After my braces came off and I got contacts, my mother always told me, “I paid a lot of money to make you beautiful”.
And in my teenage brain that translated into the “coke bottle bottom” (her phrase) glasses and gap between my front teeth were unattractive. So now when I have to observe the world through a pair of glasses frames, the girl who looks back at me is ugly.
Today, when I went to the grocery store, I made a point of smiling at strangers and speaking to them, as I usually do. And you know what? No one recoiled in horror and no child screamed, “Dear God, what IS that thing?”
Will I start wearing my glasses on a more regular basis? No. I feel like I lose a lot of peripheral vision when I drive, their magnifaction makes the sunlight burn my eyes like it can burn ants and their lack of windshield wipers makes it difficult to see when it rains. But the next time I have to wear them out, I will wear them proudly because being a dork, which means being me, is beautiful.

https://brendorkia.wordpress.com/2013/08/12/coke-bottle-bottom-glasses-and-the-dork-factor/